When life runs away with you

peace, quiet, calm, still, slow, river, lady's lace, English countryside, riverbank, wildflowers

Some time late last year I read an old blog post by the wonderful Erin Loechner (Founder of Clementine Daily and Design for Mankind) from 2012 about “slow blogging” that really struck a chord:

“We live in a world of more; this much is obvious. More things, more information. More time-saving tricks we use to find the time to uncover even more time-saving tricks. We live in a world of Pinterest, where visual images shoot out like firehoses of pretty, manifesting themselves in the parts of our brain we reserve for planning elaborate feasts and fetes. We have hundreds of RSS subscriptions to blogs creating amazing tablescapes and Halloween costumes and DIY floor lamps. And we take it all in, bookmarking each project for future use when ‘someday’ is finally today.

Yet friends, I fear that someday will never come. Because there will continually be more to do, to see, to buy. And our someday file will slowly become outdated with a new sea of ideas and thoughts promising to fulfill our lives in ways we never dreamed possible.

I want less. I want less for this site; I want less for my life. I want to return to the days when I didn’t feel the need to ‘keep up’ with the Internet. Where less truly was more, where editorial calendars didn’t exist and the words ‘I should totally blog this’ were never uttered.

…This year, one of my personal resolutions is to live a slower, more thoughtful (meaningful?) life. Less travel, more adventure. Less work, more challenges. And I need this to translate into all areas of my life: Less blogging, more learning.”

I’ve mentioned her philosophy of slow blogging before, and it’s one of the reasons I’ve not been pushing myself to write posts here with huge regularity recently. As you’ll know if you’ve explored this blog a little, I’m kind of obsessed with the concept of slow living, because I’m convinced it could make the world a more just and happier place. I recently came across this beautiful extract from Carl Honoré’s book, In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed, on Kinfolk, and the whole thing is well worth a read: “Beyond the great productivity debate lies what may be the most important question at all: What is life for? Most people would agree that work is good for us. It can be fun, even ennobling. Many of us enjoy our jobs—the intellectual challenge, the physical exertion, the socializing, the status. But to let work take over our lives is folly. There are too many important things that need time, such as friends, family, hobbies and rest.”

My family and I went to see Avengers: Age of Ultron last night, though, and I found myself thinking back to this time last year when I created this blog and the actors who were wrapping up on the set for that film gave dad the incredible gift of their support before he passed away. Have you seen it yet? What did you think? I loved seeing so many of the characters and relationships develop, discovering a little more of their back stories, fears, and motivations. With all great sci-fi and fantasy films, after all, it’s the characters and exploration of what it means to be human that compel me to watch, not the action.

Another reason I’ve been a bit quiet on this blog recently is that I’ve been hard at work with our team creating the new ethical lifestyle website, A Better Place (read more about the concept behind this project, here). We are hoping to launch it later this summer, and to be able to reveal the new look and design over the next few weeks. It’s going well, but researching and testing all of the products for it is a lot of work, and taking rather a long time. It will be well worth the wait, though, and all the better for being done slowly and carefully. I can’t wait to share it with you!

Meanwhile, my daughter has been growing and learning and changing from a baby into a willful toddler. Putting her down to sleep has become like a more frustrating version of pick-up-sticks or Jenga because she is so busy all the time that she hates to switch off. Last night as she fell asleep in my arms she was twitching and saying “No!” fretfully under her breath. This is a difficult phase, and I’m trying to remember that it’s all natural and necessary development.

I wrote about figuring out how to divide the housework and improve communication with the person (or people) you live with, as well as a response to the New York Times’ article, No Kids for Me, Thanks, on the parents vs. non parents theme, both for Verily Magazine, as well as contributing to their weekly culture news roundup, While You Were Out (check it out, it’s published every Friday, and is a great way of catching up on the week’s happenings). I also wrote a piece about Monica Lewinsky’s brilliant and thought-provoking TED Talk on cyber bullying and the need for compassion and empathy online.

This piece from the New York Times about becoming the kind of person who “radiates an inner light” is one of the best I’ve read in a while. “These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all,” David Brooks writes. I am privileged to have encountered many gems like this throughout my life, and I think a life spent trying to become more like this would be a life well spent.

I also love this piece that a friend shared with me recently about not being a kid person just because you have kids. Amongst other wise things, the author writes: “Sometimes we feel we must want ahead of time everything that happens or else we are being victimized by our own lives. In fact, our need to choose each event and its outcome might make us a nation of control freaks… More than anything else, though, my children have taught me to get outside of myself–to transcend the tyranny of my own wants.”

Finally, something else I came across recently and have been treasuring ever since is J.K. Rowling’s speech to Harvard graduates in the form of this beautiful little book, Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination. Profits from the sale of the book (which it took me about 10 minutes to read) go to her charity for children, Lumos. It is so uplifting, I really recommend it. Here’s a little nugget from it to whet your appetite: “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.”

I hope you’re having a beautiful Spring and enjoying the sunshine, friends!

Make believe is good for you, and don’t let Dawkins tell you otherwise

imagination, fairies, play, modern childhood

Playing fairies – with cardboard and lots of tape (in my memory our ‘wings’ were a lot shinier than this)

Should we be worried about 21st Century kids’ imaginations?

Born in the late eighties, I feel like I might be part of the last wave of young adults who grew up pretty much untouched by the internet. I remember hearing about ‘the world wide web’ for the very first time on an episode of Newsround after school one day, and having terrifying visions of giant spiders for weeks afterwards. The only computers I remember from my childhood were bulky things with black screens, green text, and a flashing cursor; mildly interesting curiosities that couldn’t hold our attention for long.

I had my first mobile phone around the age of around 15, and I shared it with my older sister. It was a cool silver flippy thing that we liked because it reminded us of the communicators on Star Trek – no internet connection, of course, just calls and texts – and we’d innocently shout out ‘Hey, this one’s for you!’ and pass the phone over whenever a message came for the other person. My teen years were relatively unphotographed, thank goodness (I was awkward and gangly enough as it was, and I have absolutely no doubt that a surplus of instantly analysable digital photographs would have made me intensely insecure), and I joined Facebook the year before going to university as an undergraduate – they had just opened it up to non-university students that same year. These days it seems that children often learn to swipe an iPad before they can talk, and are glued to their phones and Facebook accounts before they hit their teen years. Seeing my seven-month-old’s eyes when she catches glimpses of TV/computer/mobile screens, I can attest to – and fear – the magnetic pull that these modern day visual stimulants have on parents and children alike.

The issue of technology aside for one moment, reading parenting posts like this one about how we all need to chill out and let our children run wild a little more makes me realise that my generation’s experience of childhood might be somewhat under threat in this day and age. So much has changed, so fast. I wouldn’t really know, being new to this parenting thing and still just working out the basics (i.e. how to keep the baby – and myself – alive on a daily basis), but apparently parents these days are much more scared for their children’s safety, and hold themselves hostage to ridiculously high standards.

Is it the internet’s fault, flooding us with an excess of information and airbrushed images, and the kind of overwhelming and often conflicting advice that people used to be able to escape from just by staying away from school-gates gossip and mother-toddler groups? Probably. But from talking to my teacher friends, it seems that current educational theories are slightly to blame, too. One friend told me he stayed up late into the night preparing an elaborate educational cave man interactive display for his primary school class; it sounded like it was the kind of thing children of my generation would have seen as a rare treat on a school trip to a fancy museum, not had as a standard weekly activity in the classroom, made for them by adults outside school hours.

What a horrible amount of pressure on the poor teachers, expected not only to teach and look after children, but also to slave away creating incredible ‘visual aids’ after school hours that will just be thrown away the following week. We had some pretty fun interactive activities when I was at primary school, too, but I remember the teachers mainly supervising while we did most of the work ourselves. That was always the traditional approach, double whammy learning (you learn through doing), right? Why are the adults these days making things so much harder for themselves, when it seems to me that this doesn’t help children, but might in fact have the reverse effect of making them lazy, spoilt, and depriving them of the fun and educational benefits of doing things for themselves?

Writing for The Atlantic, Jessica Lahey seems to agree, saying this:

Unscheduled, unsupervised, playtime is one of the most valuable educational opportunities we give our children. It is fertile ground; the place where children strengthen social bonds, build emotional maturity, develop cognitive skills, and shore up their physical health. The value of free play,  daydreamingrisk-taking, and independent discovery have been much in the news this year, and a new study by psychologists at the University of Colorado reveals just how important these activities are in the development of children’s executive functioning.’

imagination, fairytales, play, modern childhood

Pretending to be Cinderella, sweeping leaves in my fanciest dress and shoes… as you do!

I hear they have ping pong tables in the Google offices – an attempt to harness the creativity-inducing power of ‘play’. It is widely understood that playing – exercising your imagination – has many benefits, including an increase in lateral thinking and problem solving, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Surely the more work you have to do yourself, the fewer gadgets and stimulants you need to play as a young child, the more these mind expanding capacities are practised; the more the important ‘muscle’ of imagination is flexed and strengthened. I love this article which argues that you should give your children sticks instead of iPads for Christmas – perhaps a little extreme, but you get the idea. It’s not that technology is bad as such, it’s more about how you use it; it mustn’t become an addiction, but always remain a means to an end. Enjoying watching TV is fine, as long as going outside to play on a sunny day is more appealing. Fancy gadgets < spontaneous, child-made fun.

I suppose at the heart of this particularly modern problem is just this: fear. Parents have always feared for their children, of course, and wanted the best for them; that is nothing new. But what is new is the surplus of available luxury ‘stuff’, play-aids if you will, and it is now easier than ever for parents (and teachers) to indulge their fear and over-supervise, over-provide. I’m no child psychologist, but in my humble opinion it seems obvious that the more stimulation you have, the less work you have to do, and the less the muscles of your imagination are stretched and developed. Some of my best teachers at school didn’t ever touch a slide projector or laptop, simply capturing our imaginations by how they talked, and the stories that they told us.

It takes courage and a good deal of patience to let your children run a little wild. I consider myself so blessed that my parents had those qualities in abundance. Mum let us ruin her favourite scarf in a game in which we pretended to be astronauts dangling from a chain of scarves hanging from the bannisters, and use up lots of her perfume making a scent trail for a hide and seek game where you had to sniff your way to the hiding person (we called it ‘fox and hound’). We regularly slid down the stairs on a mattress, took over entire rooms of the house with complex blanket forts, commandeered the kitchen to cook our parents romantic dinners of cold fishfingers and overcooked peas at our ‘restuarant’. I’m sure there were plenty of times when they had to resist the urge to stop us making a mess, wished that they could just tastefully decorate the Christmas tree themselves, or worried that we’d hurt ourselves messing around in the kitchen. But ultimately they knew that allowing us to try things for ourselves, to make a mess, to take a few risks, was better for us than having a picture perfect life.

But is there really any need to defend the importance of make-believe, and the imagination? Well… Dawkins recently fired up that debate again with his attack on fairytales.* As far as I’m concerned, Chesterton already came up with the perfect answer to that, about a century ago:

G. K. Chesterton quote fairytales imagination bogey childhood

A friend recently referred to our babies as ‘wildflower children’, a phrase which I love. I hope my daughter always remains a wildflower; a little grubby and dishevelled, perhaps, but with a strong imagination, and a healthy love of make-believe and fairytale.

 

*I just wanted to add that while Richard Dawkins himself later argued that what he said about fairy tales had been taken out of context, backtracking on Twitter and saying he just wanted to open up the question of whether or not they were good for children, I still think his initial comments about fairy tales were very misguided. Read more here, and come to your own conclusions.